The Baddest Ass University of Chicago Graduate Ever

My friend Billy got convicted of conspiring to set a couple HUMVEES on fire. He's currently in the "Disciplinary Dorm" at Lompoc Prison - here's an excerpt from his latest letter:



"Now why am I being disciplined? To use the beaureu-speak of my unit-manager, I am 'Not living up to my financial obligations,' or better still, I have 'Broken a bond of trust between myself and the institution.' Specifically, I am subject to a $245 dollar a month fine, towards the $3.5 million in damages which I am supposed to pay off. Unfortunately, for my more-or-less full time job I only make $5 a month."

Billy, a former string-theory physicist at CalTech, manages to find a silver lining in every Disciplinary cloud:

"If there's one good thing about prison, it'll get you ripped. Today, for instance , I'm going to do ten sets of the following: 5 pull ups with a 45lb weight + 10 dups with 45lb weight + 10 unweighted pull-ups + 12 unweighted dips + 15 push-ups. Four minutes rest. I couldn't imagine doing this workout a year ago... Still pretty weak on the bench press, but I can totally see myself doing 300lbs+ before I leave here."

Fuck you, Beverly O'Connell