Sorry Meg, I have a new girlfriend now, and her name is MacBookPro

I just received my new MacBookPro, a sensation similar to simultaneously doing cocaine, lifting weights, and being fellated. With my manly vigor thus restored, my hangover has evaporated and I no longer fear necrotising fasciitis.

Plus, I can now video conference with anyone, at any time, courtesy of the integrated video camera technology present in my new MacBookPro. There are at least several people nationwide who would consent to do this with me.