Malthus to Signs $20 Million Endorsement Deal

The Associated Press reports that promotional Reebok-branded childrens jewelry has been found to have killed at least one child who ate one of the charms and promptly died of lead poisoning. Not awesome, .40 caliber style lead poisoning, but the infinitely less exciting variety that results when you accidently ingest "heart-shaped charms engraved with the "Reebok" name" that have been given away free with the purchase of any pair of children's Reeboks.